


18 thoughts on living your life

by Quecksilver_Eyes



Series: How to lose your heart [1]
Category: 101 Dalmatians (1961), 101 Dalmatians - All Media Types, Disney - All Media Types, Disney Animated Fandoms, Disney Cartoons (Classic)
Genre: I feel so bad for her, Poetry of a sort, and eating disorder I guess, fur coats, how do you guys tag?, insanity of a sort, trigger warning for rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 03:25:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4944928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quecksilver_Eyes/pseuds/Quecksilver_Eyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cruella de Vil, Cruella de Vil<br/>If she doesn't scare you<br/>No evil thing will<br/>To see her is to take a sudden chill<br/>Look out for Cruella de Vil</p>
            </blockquote>





	18 thoughts on living your life

Cruella de Vil, Cruella de Vil  
If she doesn't scare you  
No evil thing will  
To see her is to take a sudden chill  
Look out for Cruella de Vil

1) You're blonde. It's such a bright shade that it almost seems white and your hair is feather light and oh-so-thin. Your father says it makes you pretty and you flash him a bright smile.  
You start brushing it several times a day.

2) Your mommy is a painter, her clothes are always stained red and she smiles at you, all white teeth and soothing eyes. She only works at night and her paint is brown when it's dried. You want to ask her about it, but you get distracted by your father's old persian cat and forget it.  
You steal a pair of long gloves from your mother's drawer and hide it in your cushions. It smells like her perfume and you fall asleep faster than ever.

3) Learn to cover your ears and hide your face in your brother's nightgown, learn to close your eyes and unsee your father hitting your mother in the stomach with a glass bottle, don't hear the sick sound of breaking skin and spilling red paint. Cry and sob and scream, but don't scream out loud, learn to hide it behind laughter.  
It was never paint, you realise as you start laughing and goosebumbs run down your spine.

4) You're ten when your father starts touching you in ways no father should ever touch his daughter and your laughter grows even louder.  
You don't tell your mother and you don't tell your brother. You're a good girl.  
He never stops.

5) Learn to stay small and delicate and little. Learn to stay a child because god forbid that you ever grow up and grow up to be a woman. Your father whispers things in your ears and you lie beneath him, petrified, and you pray to god every night before you go to sleep.

6) You lose your faith when you're twelve and you start getting curves. You become a woman, your mother says and your father doesn't hide his glances anymore.  
Your brother marries and moves out and you laugh for the whole night.  
It's the first time you skip dinner.

7) Hide the bruises on your arms, cover up the cuts on your face and learn to pretend like your mother does, learn to make a web of lies. Always wear your red gloves, don't show him that you're scared.  
Start smoking. Your kisses will taste foul and he'll loathe touching your lips.

8) You feel cold, even in summer and you always light a fire because you're freezing, but by god, don't show it. Wear gloves and coats and long dresses.  
Discover fur. Discover how soft it is and how warm and learn to steal fur coats whenever you get the chance. Wear them, day in and day out, wear them like a second skin, wear them like a shield against his touches.

9) Run away. Take everything you posess and put it in the biggest trunk your family owns. It's so heavy that you almost can't carry it and you wake up your mother who stands in the doorway like a ghost, pale and tired and dead and she stares at you with big eyes.   
She takes a step aside.

10) Find an abandoned manor. It's big and cold and empty and you feel so lonely, but it's the first time in what feels like forever that you can sleep in silence.  
You name it Hell Hall.

11) Buy a car. Buy it with the money you stole from your father, buy the most expensive one you can find. While you drive back to the big intimidating house that you now call your own you see a Dalmatian.  
The fur looks warm and soft and you feel cold and hard. You clench onto the wheel and decide that you need a white coat with black spots.

12) At the age of seventeen you wear heels for the first time. You found them somewhere in that big house and they're bright red and as you learn to walk on them, coat swinging around your bony legs, you feel powerful.

13) Dye half of your hair black. Look into the mirror, contour your sharp cheekbones, paint your face until you can't see your own skin anymore.  
Your hair matches your favourite coat.

14) At the age of twenty three you own ninety nine Dalmatian puppies. You bought a few of them and stole most of them. 15 of those puppies belonged to an old school friend who was never a friend because she was afraid of your laugh and afraid of the glistening madness in your eyes and you found it oh-so-funny to call her darling and scare her until all she could do was staring.

15) The puppies escape. The men you hired to look after them, to steal them, sit in the cold room and are busy getting drunk while the dogs figure out how to open doors.  
One hundred and one Dalmatians run away from Hell Hall in a cold night in December and you're freezing.

16) You drive after them in your expensive car and the dogs are too smart and they trick you into crashing your car into your minion's.   
Your coat is torn and you scream and you laugh and you've never felt so insane, but you just can't stop because all you want is to feel warm again, to eat again, to feel alive again.

17) Don't stop laughing.

18) You haven't brushed your hair ever since you turned ten.

This vampire bat, this inhuman beast  
She ought to be locked down and never released  
The world was such a wholesome place until  
Cruella, Cruella de Vil

**Author's Note:**

> I love her so so much and I feel horribly sorry for putting her through this, but, well, psychology inspires me to be mean


End file.
